WAH

May. 17th, 2002 02:08 pm
glitteringloke: (monique)
yeah, so i'm virtually homeless
my grandfather is letting me stay here until i get this worked out with my mom... yes, i realize i've had it good and that i'm very lucky.
So i don't do the dishes... i've been home for less than a week i'm sorting thru tons of paperwork in my room to try and clean it out... i had 3 trash bags the other day, honestly! so i did't say happy mother's day. i'm not one for words, anyone who knows me knows that. i didn't have money for a card that would have been thrown out anyway. (plus, i can't stand how cards are 5 bucks) but i spent the entire day with her, tried to help her find new sneakers that weren't too expensive, went shopping for new clothes with her, etc. yesterday was the first time i really went out since i've been home, and i asked to go, so i don't know why she got all indignant. its not like i disappeared. she knew where i was, who i was with, etc. just because i slack off for a bit doesn't mean i'm a bad person and have no respect. tuesday i walked (the long way cause the short cut was fixed :() to the mall and did a half a dozen applications. i honestly think she believes that all i wanna do all summer is sit around, when that is the furthest from the truth. I AM SOO BORED. i want a job. i need a job. i want to be able to do things on my own. i want to pay for my own computer that i know will last me, i wanna be able to graduate and move somewhere on my own. i want to be able to depend on myself, not on others for what i'm doing. i wanna enjoy my hobbies, not be condemned for them. (isn't anime healthier than crack?) i wanna get out from my cave and network and meet new people. i wanna be loved for me... i wanna be me and not have to hide it. when i go places and walk, i could easily call someone and ask for a ride, but i wanna do it on my own. i don't want to be fully dependant on everyone. i just wanna survive this hell of my college years and enter my 9-5 routine. no one asks me about my plan... i talk and ppl ignore me... i talk and they walk away...
"y am i paying $22 a month for aol when its not even being used?" what goes thru my head is: i'm trying to fix the other one because its faster, a little healthier now (since the crash). Rufus is not faring well and i don't want it to die yet. internet surfing is virtually ipossible because it takes forever to load (includes page timeouts) and pop up ads just over power the memory and freeze the system. i can't help that the internet is like that. not my fault that technology grows so fast. not my fault packard bell used crappy parts in their systems. Not... My... Fault.... SO STOP BLAMING ME! once i get things working again, you'l have a faster system (at no cost to u) and if things go as planned, i'm gonna buy myself a new system.. so basiclay, there's a new puter for u.
i have a headache now... i need drugs....
i'm out...
laterz

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